What’s your favorite joke?

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but damned if I know how they got in there.

What’s your least favorite song?

“Sweet Caroline.” Of course, I’m a deejay, so I have a lot of least favorite songs.

If you were going to torture somebody, how would you do it?

Make them listen to “Sweet Caroline” on repeat.

Describe your most embarrassing drunken moment.

I was in San Francisco, visiting, and I’d been to the Chocolate Factory, got a big bar of chocolate and ate half of it. Then I went out drinking until way past hours. So I got back to my very posh hotel room and, apparently, I got to feeling a bit snackish. So I started to eat more of my chocolate bar. And apparently I passed out midway through, fell asleep on top of the chocolate bar. I woke up with a big brown stain in the middle of my sheets in this nice hotel room. I decided I was just going to let them think whatever they were going to think, and I snuck out and left the room. But unfortunately, I forgot a pair of shoes under my bed. So I had to go back and face the cleaning lady. I had to ask her to let me back in the room. She just gave the look, staring me up and down.

Describe Hell.

Prohibition.

If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?

Skydiving, for sure.

Describe God.

Me.

Describe your worst date ever.

I was making out with a guy on the couch, and the cops busted in my door, thinking they were busting in on my neighbors, who had been selling drugs. I was rounding third base and getting waved in to home, and then the cops bust in. Pretty much killed the mood.

What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror every day?

Come on, you can do it one more day.