Who do you think you are: Preservation Pub/SCH Bartendress Nikki Balliro

20325_10155785929620370_6868849599101015134_nQ: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

A: Mind control. Because you could achieve so much that way, even if it’s “cheating.” It’s really endless what you could do if you had mind control.

Q: What is your spirit animal?

A: I’d like to think it’s a turtle. I love turtles, the attitude about them. They struggle from the moment they’r born to get to the water. They’re tough on the outside, and soft on the inside. They’re just cool creatures.

Q: Describe your most embarrassing moment.

A: I guess when my mother found out I was a stripper. That was kind of awkward. She found out on Mother’s Day.

Q: If you were going to torture someone, how would you do it?

A: I would have that song by the Turtles playing, “You showed me.” And I’d have them tied up with nothing to dull the pain. And I’d be naked except for an apron, because that would be more dramatic. They wouldn’t know whether to be terrified or aroused. And I’d just start cutting off body parts, and I’d keep going.

Q: Describe Hell.

A: Hell is in the shape of a the body of a man with outstretched arms. And when the man inhales, flames come rushing through the body. It’s a constant loop. When the flames pass through, there’s not enough time for relief, just a moment before the next inhalation.

Q: What would you like to put on your tombstone?

A: I don’t want to a tombstone. I want to be cremated, and have my ashes scattered on Cadillac Mountain in Maine in Arcadia National Park, overlooking the Porcupine Islands.

Q: Describe God.

A: I think God is a spiritual being of love and acceptance and understanding. I don’t think he would damn someone for being different, for their sexuality or for having a different religion. I think the Bible was written by man, so it’s heavily skewed to man’s perspective.

Q: What is your greatest fear?

A: Mirrors. There’s something about a mirror; you don’t see yourself the same way you do in pictures. You actually see yourself. And if you look hard enough, there’s something very true about it. And you wonder: Is that actually who you are on the inside of the mirror, or is it the person on the outside?

We all have a wrong perception of who we are, and the mirror is the only thing that can capture that truth.

Q: What would you say if you met the Devil?

A: I would ask how he does it. And he would know what I meant. How does he create and destroy at the same time?

Q: What is your least favorite song?

A: “That’s my kind of night” by Luke Bryan. It’s this country song where he sings about catching a catfish dinner for his girlfriend. And it’s the worst song in the world.

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