Darbs, and friend

Do you know any jokes?

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way.

How do you catch a sheriff rabbit? You cop a feel.

Who would you like to play yourself in a movie about your life?

Cate Blanchett. I’d like someone older to play me. Plus I won’t be famous for at least another five years.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Knowing that I’m dreaming when I’m dreaming.

You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden Party at Preservation Pub. What three special guests would you like to invite?

Herman Melville; William Wordsworth; and Cara Delevingne.

What’s your least favorite song, ever?

“American Pie.”

Who is your least favorite celebrity?

Demi Lovato. She is so annoying.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten?

It was from my mom. She’s very religious. And she told me that if you think of something really great or beautiful, and you don’t create that thing, then you’ve robbed the world of it, and that it’s a sin.

Describe your worst date ever.

My sister’s roommate’s ex-boyfriend asked me out. We went and saw “Anchorman,” and it was so awkward. When I met him, I was already a little drunk. And then I didn’t realize he was a lot shorter than me.

It was awkward and miserable. Then I didn’t respond to any of his calls, texts, or Facebook posts, and he thought I was dead. Two weeks later, I was at me sister’s watching TV, and he knocked on the door. I was running to get into her room and hide when he came in, and I tripped. So he came in, and I was lying there in a heap on the floor. I just said, ‘hi,’ and then locked myself in the bathroom.

What is your greatest secret desire?

I’ve always wanted to buy a hot-pink house on the beach in Mexico.

What would you like to put on your tombstone?

“Darbs Gowman. F@#$ that Bitch.”