SP: What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

CM: “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.” That’s my go-to.

SP: Who’s your favorite superhero?

CM: Annie Oakley? She counts, right?

SP: Whatever you say, Ms. Metz. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

CM: I broke my back in front of an entire roomful of people, at a party.

SP: Who is your least favorite celebrity?

CM: A Kardashian.

SP: If you were going to torture somebody, how would you do it?

CM: I’d make them listen to terrible electronic music, and never let them sit down.

SP: If someone made a movie about your life, who would you want to play Claire Metz?

CM: Bruce Lee.

SP: Describe Hell.

CM: Hell is never having even a shell of hope ever again.

SP: What would you like to put on your tombstone?

CM: The sun, the earth, the sky. I’d like to be cremated; I don’t want to be buried in just one place.

SP: What’s the best (or worst) advice you’ve ever received?

CM: “Follow your heart.” That was both the best and the worst.

SP: We’ll end with a lighter question. Describe God.

CM: Really??? Hmmm… Okay, to me, God is the one unfathomable string, the tie that brings us all together.