Nichole McMinn

Who’s your favorite superhero?

Scooby-do is sort of a superhero. He’s a talking dog who solves mysteries, which is a mystery in and of itself. If that doesn’t count, then I’d say Poison Ivy.

Technically, Poison Ivy is a super-villain.

Shit. That’s right.

You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden Party at Preservation Pub. What three historical or fictional guests would you like to host?

I want Phillip Glass to be playing piano, while Hunter S. Thompson and I drink Wild Turkey together. And I want Egon Schiele there to draw the whole thing. Except Egon Schiele would probably try to sleep with me. Ah, what the hell.

If there were a movie about your life, who would you want to play Nichole McMinn?

Johnny Depp, dressed up in drag like me.

If you were going torture someone, how would you do it?

Have them live with my boyfriend’s mother.

Describe Hell.

Being stuck in a place where you relate to nobody, and when you try to talk to someone, they try to talk over you. At the same time, you’re barefoot and stepping on slugs all the time. And it’s cold all the time and you’re naked. And there’s absolutely no fun.

Who’s your least favorite celebrity?

Grumpy Cat. !@# the Grumpy Cat.

Describe your most embarrassing moment.

I was underage, and my boyfriend and I had just broken up. And he was playing a show at Barley’s. I snuck in, got super-drunk, and I was dancing and managed to break my foot. Then at the end, I hobbled outside drunk as piss, crying and confessing my love for him. Then the next day I showed up at my new job with a broken foot. So I got dumped, broke my foot and fired all within 24 hours.

What’s your spirit animal?

A unicorn. Or a wolf. Or maybe a unicorn-wolf hybrid.

What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

I never lie. I was raised Catholic, and my mom always knew when I was lying. And the Catholic guilt she laid on me was so much that I just stopped lying.

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever received?

My last day of high school, I asked my art teacher what I should major in if I wanted to do art. She said, “Advertising.”

Describe your worst date ever.

After I had broken up with my boyfriend, there was this other guy I had a crush on. The radio station was giving away tickets to this show I knew nothing about, and I won. So I asked him to this show. We go to the show, and there was a local photographer who had hung portraits of local musicians on the walls around the venue. We sit down, and there at the side of me is a five-foot portrait of my ex. I’m out on a date, trying to move on, and there he is, hovering over me.