Rachel Williams: the anti-Kate

Q: Do you know any jokes?

A: How does NASA coordinate a party? They planet!

Q: Who’s your favorite superhero?

A: Wonder Woman. She’s really strong; I think she’s beautiful; and I love her hair. She can also hold her own with all the men.

Q: You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden Party at Preservation Pub. What three guests would you like to host?

A: Johnny Cash… and June Carter. And Bill, the Appalachian Hippie Poet.

Q: What actress would you like to play Rachel Williams in a movie?

A: Zooey Deschanel.

Q: Describe your worst date ever.

A: I went out with this guy a lot taller than me. And whenever I went to give him a goodbye hug, my head went under his armpit. Then I kept smelling body odor the rest of the night. He got B.O. in my hair. My friends all noticed it, and I had to wash my hair three times to get it out.

Q: Who is your least favorite celebrity?

A: I can’t stand Kate Hudson because she was on that late night show and said Knoxville wasn’t worth a dollar. I found that very offensive.

Q: If you were going to torture someone, how would you do it?

A: I’d lock them up in a room where all they could listen to was Nashville poppy country. Very, very loud.

Q: What three things scare you the most?

A: Snakes, being stuck, and being forced to listen to things I don’t like.

Q: Describe Hell.

A: Being stuck away from my friends and family and my dog Daisy, surrounded by snakes and being forced to listen to dubstep and Nashville poppy country.

Q: What is your spirit animal?

A: An owl. They’re nocturnal; they can fly; and they’re supposed to be wise. Which I hope to be one day.

Q: What’s the worst advice you’ve ever received?

A: I think the worst is just being fed the Great American Dream, of getting married and being happy and having a 9 to 5 job. I think life is about figuring out who you are and trying to find your passion. And being happy shouldn’t be the only goal in life. Because there’s a time and a place for everything.

Q: What’s your least favorite song?

A: Any song that calls women ‘bitches.’

Q: Describe your most embarrassing drunken moment.

A: I was pretty young, and I got so drunk once that I got talked into entering a booty-shaking contest at a bar. And I won first place.