Q: What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?
A: “What did the girl hotdog say to her boyfriend hotdog before he got into bed with her? ‘Wait! Did you put on condiment?'”
Q: If you could have any superpower you wanted, what would it be?
A: To make everyone content.
Q: What was your most embarrassing drunken moment?
A: Last night I was drunk and twerking on my coffee table. The coffee table is glass. It broke. Blood everywhere. I had a deep wound, went to the hospital, six stitches. The doctor said I missed my tibial artery by centimeters.
Q: Describe your worst date ever.
A: This guy takes me to a Lemonheads concert, and says he’s going to pay for everything. We’re on the front row at the Bijou, and he passes out drunk, with his head on the stage. I wake him up, and he says, I’m really sorry, let me take you to dinner now. He ordered a $50 bottle of wine and a whole bunch of food. Then he goes and looks in his wallet and there’s no money. I had to pay for everything.”
Q: You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden Party at Preservation Pub. What three guests from any time or place would you like to host?
A: George R.R. Martin; Jerry Garcia; and my best friend, Kristen Corrier. She just moved to Boston.
Q: What would you like to put on your tombstone?
A: “Once in a while you get shown the light; in the strangest of places; if you look at it right.”
Q: What would you say if you met the Devil?
A: “There’s better company here, right?”
Q: What’s the best (or worst) advice you’ve ever gotten?
A: The best was, “See the light in others, and then treat them as if that’s all you see.” The worst was, “Don’t go to the hospital.”
Q: What is your spirit animal?
A: A dragonfly.
Q: Who was your least favorite teacher from school?
A: That’s easy. I had a teacher in kindergarten, Mrs. Tarkington. Once in class, she told me I had to put up the board game I was playing and say the Pledge of Allegiance, and she yelled at me. So I said, “Ok, Mrs. Barfington.” She also got mad at me later when we were supposed to be drawing snowmen in class. I colored my snowman “rainbow,” and she sent me to the principal’s office. She said snowmen are supposed to be white.
Q: What actress would you want to play Jocelyn Vines in a biopic about your life?
A: Mary Louise Parker.
Q: What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?
A: “I’m single.”