This is not K-Stew.

1. What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

So a guy walks into a bar with an alligator. The bartender says, hey dude, I’m sorry, you can’t have that alligator in here. It’s a liability. The guy says, no, it’s cool. He’s tame, he’s a pet alligator. The bartender says, I don’t know, man, that sounds crazy. The guy says, let me prove it to you. So he pulls his pants down and puts his… “business” in the alligator’s mouth. At this point everyone’s alarmed. He keeps it in there for five minutes, ten minutes, and nothing happens. So the man pulls up his pants and says, see, everything’s okay. Then he looks at the rest of the customers and says, would anyone else like to give it a try? And a guy at the end of the bar says, I’ll give it a try. But I’m not sure I can keep my mouth open that long.

2. Who is your favorite superhero?

I like Batman, because he’s like a real person. And at the end of the Dark Knight movie, it says he’s not the hero we want, but he’s the one we need. He’s willing to be the bad guy, and that takes a real hero.

3. You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden party at Preservation Pub. What three guests would you most like to host?

I’d bring my friend’s dad; he’s a fashion designer in Nashville and a big party anima. I’d bring my sister, and my boyfriend.

4. If you were going to torture someone, how would you do it?

I’d probably torture someone they loved instead, and make them watch.

5. Describe your worst date ever.

I’d just gotten out of a serious relationship, and my friend set me up with this guy. We went to this place that was the last place my ex and I went before we broke up. I cried about my ex the whole time—I’m that girl—then we back to his place and watched High Fidelity. And I cried during the movie. Who wants to watch that after you’ve been dumped?

6. Who is your least favorite celebrity?

Kristen Stewart. She annoys me.

7. What is your least favorite song?

Anything by Sheryl Crow, or Sublime.

8. What would you say if you met the Devil?

“I thought you were going to catch up to me sooner.”

9. What’s the worst advice you’ve ever received?

“Martinis are like breasts. One isn’t enough, and three is too many.” Thanks, dad.

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

When I get really hammered, I take a shower, wherever I am. I was at a party with some friends once, and I excused myself to take a shower. I still had my boots on when I got in the shower. Then I got out afterward, and proceeded to walk out into the middle of the party in a towel and sloshing boots, and passed out on the couch in the middle of everyone.

11. What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

In my senior year in high school, I was supposed to do a final project for this class. I convinced my teacher I did it even though I didn’t. He asked me what grade I got, and I said a ‘B.’ So I got a B, even though I never did it.