Q: What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?
A: What’s the difference between a server and a toilet? A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.
Q: If you were going to torture someone, how would you do it?
A: I’d lock them in a room and make them listen to Justin Bieber while I flicked the lights on and off.
Q: Describe Hell.
A: Hell is never being able to see my family or my friends or people I’ve lost, or my dogs.
Q: What was the worst date you’ve ever had?
A: One time I went to the movies with this guy, and we saw Dumb and Dumberer. When we were leaving on the escalator going out of the theater, he tried to be cool and run up the “down” escalator. And he fell and broke his nose and was bleeding everywhere. It was really awkward.
Q: Describe your most embarrassing drunken moment.
A: The band Daikaiju was playing, and I was hanging out with them after the show. They told a bunch of us to get in a group picture, and then said, “Everyone moon the camera.” I was the only girl in the picture who took them seriously.
I mooned the entire bar. The server who took the picture said, “I looked up and saw four hairy asses, and one nice one.
Q: Who is your least favorite celebrity.
A: I really don’t like Russell Brand. And I don’t like Conan O’Brien or Miley Cyrus.
Q: You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden Party at Preservation Pub. What three guests would you like to host?
A: My dog Oli; Frank Zappa; and Banksy.
Q: If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
A: I’d probably get my parents and my friends to meet me on the beach, and hang out there all day. Maybe I’d do a Make-A-Wish, and see if I could get the Thievery Corporation to play on the beach. And I’d bring my dogs.
Q: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
A: I’d be able to talk to animals.
Q: What would you like to be in another life?
A: I’d want to be a butterfly. A really big, colorful pretty one.
Q: Have you had any past lives?
A: I don’t know. I feel like I’m an old soul. I was probably a flower child. I feel like maybe I was chilling with the ancient Greeks. I get a feeling of familiarity around a lot of things I see in history.
Q: Describe God.
A: I think nature is God. The universe is God. Everything is divine.
Q: I understand you’re moving soon. What will you miss most about Knoxville?
A: The Preservation Pub!