Q: What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?
A: It’s the best and worst. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye dear. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no-eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls? Still, no-f@##ing, no-eye dear.
Q: Who’s your favorite superhero?
A: Aquaman. I like that he can cruise around the ocean.
Q: Describe Hell.
A: You die, you go to Heaven, and you find out there’s no beer there.
Q: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
A: I’d fly. No, on second thought, I’d like to be like Aquaman, be able to breathe underwater and swim forever. That would be cooler.
Q: What’s the worst band you’ve ever heard?
A: Motley Crue put on the worst show I ever saw. I went expecting to hear their early albums, and I got “Dr. Feelgood.”
Q: You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden party at Preservation Pub. What three famous guests would you like to host?
A: John Travolta, Dolly Parton, and Rihanna.
Q: If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
A: I’d go hang out with my son and my wife, probably do whatever they wanted to do. I’d probably drink a little, too.
Q: If you were going to torture someone, how would you do it?
A: I’d tickle ’em. That would be cruel, dude.
Q: If you met the Devil, what would you say to him?
A: “How’re you doing, George?”