Q: What’s the best (or worst) joke you’ve ever heard?
A: What does Snoop Dogg wash his clothes in? Blee-achh!
Q: Who’s your favorite superhero?
A: She-ra. That’s He-man’s cousin. When I was little, I always wanted them to get together. But they’re related.
Q: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
A: Teleportation. Because I hate riding in cars.
Q: Describe your most embarrassing moment.
A: I was on a cruise. I took a few drinks, so I was feeling no pain. So I gave out all of these shooters to all of these other passengers, lots of 70-year-old women. Then I raised my glass in the middle of all these older women and said, ‘Cheers, bitches!’ I don’t know if it was more embarrassing for me, or for my family that I was with.
Q: You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden Party at Preservation Pub. What three historical or fictional guests would you like to host?
A: Yoda, Sarah Silverman, and [Preservation Pub owner] Scott West.
Q: Describe your worst date ever.
A: When I was in seventh grade, this kid took me to the Food Court at Target. While his mother was shopping. I had a corndog and a pretzel.
Q: What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard?
A: We were at the bar one night, Sara [Harris’ girlfriend Sara McLaughlin] and I. And this guy walks by and says, ‘If you two guys decide you ever need help with anything, you give me a call.” Then he winks and does that clicking thing.
Q: Describe Hell.
A: My Hell is walking up those damn stairs in the back [of the Pub]. Carrying six-packs.
Q: If you were going to torture someone, how would you do it?
A: Tickle them. ‘Cause I’m not very mean.
Q: Describe God.
Q: What would you do for your 15 minutes of fame?
A: Most selfies taken in the shortest period of time.
Q: If you met the Devil, what would you say to him?
A: Red is not your color.
Q: What would you like to put on your tombstone?
A: Lexi Harris: Buried Alive.
Q: What do you think when you look at yourself in the mirror?
A: Damn! My daddy gave me good hair.
Q: Describe the worst band you’ve ever seen.
A: Loud, almost to the point of distortion. And they think they’re the most awesome shit ever.
Q: Who would you like to see play you in a movie?
A: Lindsey Lohan. I’ve been saying that for years. I don’t know why it’s so funny.