Carey Ellen: Bartender, Potter, Despiser of Jello

Q: What’s the best or worst joke you’ve ever heard?

A: Why didn’t Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken came in a box.

Q: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

A: Probably to turn invisible. Because it would be pretty awesome, and convenient at times. Used solely for entertainment purposes.

Q: What was your most embarrassing drunken moment?

A: It was the first time I ever got drunk. I didn’t eat anything, and I had two glasses of wine, and I threw up. My sister Kimberly still won’t let me live it down. She says I turned green.

Q: You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden Party at Preservation Pub. What three historical or fictional guests would you like to host?

A: Benjamin Franklin; Bernard Leech–he’s a famous potter; and Michelle Obama. I’d like to talk to her.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?

A: Happy.

Q: What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

A: That I’m blind and have amnesia.

Q: If you were going to torture someone, how would you do it?

A: I would submerge them in Wal-Mart and in Jello and make them stay there indefinitely. I hate Wal-Mart, and I hate Jello.

Q: If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?

A: I’d have all the closest people to me over for a potluck and a bonfire, and not tell them why.

Q: Describe Hell.

A: Where all of my friends are. I think it’s just going to be a big party.

Q: Describe the worst band you’ve ever seen.

A: College-age bands that think they should play ’90s music. It’s not cool.

Q: Describe your worst date ever.

A: I went on a date with someone, and we did not hit it off on one single thing the whole night. Then he just started talking about my chest and said he didn’t make any plans for later and that he thought we would go home together.

Q: What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror?

A: You are a badass.

Q: What would you do for your 15 minutes of fame?

A: It would probably involve streaking.