The Ballad of Jon Worley: a ‘Now Playing’ special feature

The Cornbred Blues Band show on December 13 at Preservation Pub will be a very important one for Knoxville singer/songwriter/all-around musical eccentric Jon “Cornbred” Worley. Inasmuch as it will be his best opportunity to repay certain members of the West family clan—proprietors of Preservation Pub and Scruffy City Hall and Oodles—for the kindness of bailing him out of Knox County Jail.

It was a regrettable incident that landed him there the night of November 8, a sad case of mistaken identity—this according to Worley himself—that happened in the wake of a failed sexual liaison, as he wandered the dead streets of Fort Sanders at an hour when most good and reasonable people are at home smoking dope in the cozy privacy of their own boudoir.

“I can’t talk about it too much ‘cause the case is still pending,” Worley croaks in that distinctive voice of his, the one that sounds like 1970s TV/radio personality Wolfman Jack in the throes of a serious codeine bender. “Put it this way—I’m a scruffy hillbilly who got singled out because I was wearing too nice a coat. You know, random white-boy shit…” Continue reading

Who do you think you are: Blank Newspaper Publisher Rusty Odom

Rusty Odom??

Rusty Odom??

What’s your favorite joke?
So a Canadian and an American go fishing. They’re not catching anything, and they’re getting bored. So the American guy goes, “Hey, you want to play a game?” And the Canadian guy goes, “Ay, sure.” So the American goes, “Alright, it’s a game where you have to guess what I’m thinking. I’ll give you clues, and you have to guess.”
So the American tries to think of something the Candian won’t guess, and he thinks of the word “Moosecock.”
The Canadian thinks, and he asks, “Is is something you can eat?”
And the American thinks about it, and he says, “I suppose you could eat it, if you really wanted to.”
And the Canadian says, “Is it Moosecock?”

Who’s your favorite superhero?
Aquaman. He can breathe under water. And I’m a terrible swimmer. I’ve had to be saved from drowning twice.

What was your most embarrassing moment, ever?
I pooped all over myself in third grade. And I was wearing sweatpants, too.

If you were going to torture someone, how would you do it?
I would talk to them for weeks, really listen, get to know them. And then I would find out what they hate the most. I’d take them to see their favorite band, pay for everything, and then find a point where they were having the best time of their life. Then I would unload everything they hate, and let them know that everything they hate is what I believe.
Then I would just kill them. So their last moments would be intense disappointment, then they’d be dead.

Who is your least favorite celebrity?
Kim Kardashian. She hasn’t done anything to deserve to be famous, outside of her genetics. Plus she teaches the idea that if you have a sex tape, you can be famous.
Plus Kayne.

What is your spirit animal?
I want to be a dog. Doesn’t everybody? They relish the things they enjoy, but they don’t worry about any BS. They put an exclamation point on all the good stuff, and don’t worry about the trivial stuff.

What’s your least favorite song?
The Nickelback song “Hero.” Here’s why: I kind of like it.

You’re having a Moonshine Roof Garden Party at Preservation Pub. What three historical, fictional or celebrity guests would you like to host?
The animated Robin Hood, where he’s a fox; Andrew W.K.; and Dave Grohl.

Describe Hell.
Unending doubt about where I’m going to end up. The finality of knowing I’m stuck here, and it’s never going to get better, and it already sucks.

What actor would you like to see play Rusty Odom in a movie?
Russell Brand. I mean, Rusty Brand.

Zeus Speaks

unnamedZeus is Preservation Pub’s resident spiritual counselor, available for consultation on select days of the week on the first floor Smokeasy. In this semi-regular Scruffington Post feature, we visit with Zeus every few weeks, seeing his wise counsel on such weighty matters as international politics, affairs of the heart, and Justin Bieber’s latest ‘do.

SP: The U.S. is suffering under the burden of a huge national debt. What should be done about that?
Z: We should learn how to work together. We need to stop borrowing from others and work on what we already know. We need to start conserving our energies.
We may be headed back to the barter system. Our technology is creating a lot of problems for us. You can’t overstep the boundaries of God.

SP: What do you think of the dissolution Knoxville’s alternative weekly Metro Pulse?
Z: I think the Scripps corporation got their hand in too deep. Continue reading

Heavy Rotation: What’s in your earbuds?

 

J.P. and Slushy

J.P. and Slushy

J.P. Bynum

1 Asking Alexandria: “Really good metalcore. It makes me happy. It’s a sad band, but it makes me really happy.”

2 Make Me Famous

3 From Autumn to Ashes

4&5 James Taylor and Chicago: “That’s music that I grew up on. It always makes me happy. If I’m really depressed, those are the things that bring me up.”

 

Downtown Dirt By Manhole: Metro Pulse RIP

The funeral has ended; the eulogies have been spoken; the last shovelfuls of fresh dirt have been ladled over the coffin. Let the mourning period commence, brief as it may be in this Era of the Short Attention Span.

And yet before we turn another page in the Book of Life, relegating the story of Metro Pulse, Knoxville’s erstwhile alternative weekly, to just another Previous Chapter, I would first have my say. I was a part of Metro Pulse, as either a full-time staff member or a chief contributor, for a goodly number of years. Right up to the end, in point of fact. And mine is a perspective that can be freely shared, as there is no severance check held hostage to purchase my silence. Continue reading